my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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