just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
