I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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