Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
