my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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