oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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