on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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