i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
