He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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