All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
