Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
