i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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