Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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