So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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