I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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