That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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