R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
