She announced her abortion via fbk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
not ubering you a puppy
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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