why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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