I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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