Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
