In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
