Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
