I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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