I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
People in love make me want to vomit
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
