I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize