Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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