drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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