I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
