You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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