so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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