shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
