you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize