# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Betty ford says i'm here all night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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