Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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