maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
