I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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