Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
