Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
