U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
