i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
