dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
