Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
