he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
