Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
