My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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