3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
