i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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