Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
