i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
