I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
