It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Let's get the cat blown out
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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