He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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