It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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