Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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