This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
