He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
