giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
