Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
