I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
