MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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