I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I met the friendliest cop last night
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
