I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
