in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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