eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
