It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
