If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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