i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize