Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
