My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
