I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize