Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize