booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
