I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
