hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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