a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
